Fear gripped Adelaide's heart like a gnarled hand in her ribcage. Tugging, ripping with all it's might to tear away the last thing keeping her going. The sickening sensations of butterflies in her stomach. Wretched little creatures only pointed to her the obvious dread of this conundrum.This fate, like her cage sealed shut, seemed completely and totally hopeless. Like her. Like her life. Like her childhood, her endeavors, any accomplishments. Gone. Devoid of any aspiration. She had no idea of what she should do. God, where are you? Does my family even care that I am gone? Does Deirdre care? And all the lesser knowns, would they raise a prayer for me? No! No one cares! And I am going to die here miserable and alone, just as I predicted. Suffocated in my own personal Hell
WAKE UP! WAKE UP, you imbecile! But this, oh no. this was not a dream. This was her most feared nightmare come true. She was not strong enough to break this crypt. This charnel house. The home of her least desired cage.
She truly had a bird's spirit. From a young age, she could not be contained. Her mother could forget trying to keep her in shoes and socks. The young Adelaide would rip them off as soon as they were on. She was a runner once. She did not race. She had nothing to prove to anyone. She was a sparrow flying free. but sparrows are also breakable. She was fragile. She hated it. But her self reliance would not get her out of this. Jesus, kill me inside this! her soul cried out, for her lips, her voice were both bereft of sound. She felt as if her mouth was bound. Placed inside a cage, she had done this to herself. this was only the physical manifestation of her heart and mind. Adamant to protect them, she locked them away in a box much like the one that housed her now. She'd loved once. Actually twice. She'd loved a person that was supposed to love her back. And he forsook her. She loved again, against her own will. He was supposed to love her. And love her innocently as she did. But he did not. He took her beauty and perverted it and gave it back to her smutty and torn. Her anger and the outpour of her suppressed little girl heart led way to hot tears coursing down her dirty cheeks. She tried to control her breathing so as not to lose air too quickly.
Her life did not pass before her eyes, so she knew she lived still. Just the more unforgiving, God-awful memories that she had buried in the back of her brain resurfacing for a disconsolate and malevolent bloody redemption.
She heard the muffled sounds of a preacher speaking words over a person he never knew. Or was she even a person anymore. She felt the winter wind through the box even still and shivered, but no one noticed, of course. Suddenly she hear a strange sound. Almost like a tap on top of the sarcophagus. then several more. Then women and men shouting and screaming. A drop of water fell on Adelaide's head. Rain. She heaved a deep winded sigh of relief. She could not see the chaos and dystopia of the outside world, but she didn't have to. The people gathered there were all amuck trying to get out of the rain. Adelaide sat in waiting, knowing she couldn't for too long, or her chances of survival were slim.
At any rate, it was unlikely that she would get out of this alive.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
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